Years ago when both my parents were still alive, they bought a beautiful granite headstone, paid for their burial plot in my hometown cemetery and had it installed there. It has an unusual outer shape, an elaborate polished and carved scene of hills and a pair of deer, their names and birth and death dates. I'm not going to put the picture here because my father is still living and there's an error on the stone which is where the lesson comes in.
They were both living when they bought the stone and had it installed. Their names and probably their birth dates were on the stone when it was installed. When my mother died in 2001, her death date had to be added to the stone. I don't know how that's done; if the stone has to be picked up and taken back to the company who does the work - I assume. The error was that they put her death date under my father's name. I wasn't around at the time. I don't know if they put the date under both names or just my father's and had to put it, again, under my mother's name or if they put it under both names at the same time. In any case, my father is still alive and the death date under his name is, obviously, incorrect.
My father is currently in the hospital. He's "Ok" but he's 92 and in has an illness that will progressively get worse until he dies. Nobody can say how long that process will take so we have to be prepared. We all die; it's inevitable. It's prudent and intelligent to be practical and unsentimental about it, in advance.
So, how to fix the error. I've been told by the memorial company that the funeral home tells me they would contact to "complete" the date on the stone, that usually, in such cases, the error is filled in with epoxy and the new date cut over the error. Does that sound like it would work? It doesn't to me.
Quite frankly, at the time the error was made - it was made - it didn't magically happen, the business responsible should have swallowed the loss, ordered a completely new stone and done it correctly, right then. However, it's possible that wasn't a completely satisfactory option because the stone had been designed quite some time before my mother died and, perhaps, that style, design, etc. was no longer available. Also, it's possible that the company where the original stone was purchased was not the company adding the dates. Still, the company doing the dates, that made the error, should have accepted responsibility for making it right to the extent of replacing the stone - in my opinion.
That, clearly, didn't happen.
So, what to do. I don't want to accept the mess that will undoubtedly occur in trying to cover up the mistake and cut a new date over what's already there. It's set in stone; literally.
So here are suggestions for others that have been rushing around in my head after having a phone conversation with the memorial "craftsman" who is going to look at the stone and who would be called to "complete" the date:
- Whenever you might order a headstone, do it in advance of any need.
- Thank about and talk about what you want: shape, design, material, color, whatever you want "written" on the stone. It will be there for good.
- I suggest a surname stone, the largest stone, with the design and smaller, flat, stones or metal plates with names and dates.
- Be sure that the contract includes what occurs if errors are made, including forfeiture of payment, replacement of the stone.
