Quick Genealogy Etiquette Tips

Researching family history is a people activity.  Working with people means being courteous.  So, here are a couple of tips I picked up, made up, along the way:

1.  When you send a letter of inquiry to someone, please include a self-addressed, STAMPED, envelope.  It's not entirely necessary but you might be more likely to get a response and a quicker one.

2.  Always thank people for any information, documents, photos, etc. they may send/give you, even if you haven't asked, and even if they aren't exactly what you're looking for.  It takes time, at least a little effort and attention, and even sometimes money, to do the research.  "Official" documents in my area of research are now between $10 to $25 dollars.

3.  Ask, don't demand.

4.  Share.  It's not only your family.  What you find belongs to the family as much as to you.

5.  Don't share information about living people without asking for their permission to do so.

6.  If you want something: a document, a photo from somebody that you know they have, be willing to pay something for a copy.  Why should anyone reproduce something for you at their expense.  Or, trade something for it.

Now, a big one.  What if you find out you're related to someone you know and really don't like?  Well, a fact is a fact.  Blood relative or only by marriage?  In any case, it doesn't mean anything has to change.  It doesn't mean you have to invite them for dinner.  It just means you're related.  If it's a problem for you, let it be.  Get over it.  And, expand your view and accept what's true and that what's true isn't always what you like.

Another big one.  What if you know something about a family member, maybe more than one, that could be a problem, something maybe they don't know, something sad, something salacious, something painful?  It can be difficult to keep a secret.  It can be a test of your strength, your integrity, your ethics.  Why let it out?  Why tell anyone?  Now, if it's something current and criminal -- I can't tell you what's best; maybe talk to a lawyer....  Otherwise, best to keep it to yourself; take it to your grave.

Finally, try not to be a pest about the family history.  I know I can be.  It occupies a lot of my time and I find it very interesting and enjoyable so sometimes I get frustrated that everyone doesn't feel the same but I try to accept that that's not the case for everyone.  Sometimes, though, we have to ask questions several times because memories are never perfect and, if we let a little time pass and ask a question again, we might get a little more information the next time.

That's it for now.

The Vandermark family cemetery

I'm not sure if I posted about this before and I'm not going to look so here's the story of how my immediate family found out about the cemetery.

First, a little background.  The Vandemarks, Beismers and Hogancamps owned a substantial amount of land in Debruce, in what is now a water shed and near the state fish hatchery.  It appears that the state seized a lot of land in the area, under eminent domain, for the water shed and the fish hatchery.  The cemetery is in the water shed, although, parcels have been sold off around the cemetery and one owner blocks his driveway which is the best access to the cemetery; or did that last time I was there which was some time ago.

My niece, Amy Panioli, was on a conservation camp, or something like that and they were discussing the waste of land, as a resource and visited an abandoned cemetery.  Oddly, the Henry family cemetery is on the road below the Vandemark family cemetery and you have to hike up a small hill to get to the Vandemark Cemetery.  In any case, they were, apparently standing in the midst of the Vandermark cemetery while having this conversation about waste of land for cemeteries; not interested at this point in that discussion.  Amy turned around and, lo and behold, there were headstones with her great grandfather's surname on them.

She came home and told her mother, my sister, and our mother who called me and we all went to the cemetery.  My mother got emotional because her favorite uncle, her Uncle Howard Beismer, is buried there and she never knew where he was buried.

Since the cemetery is legally considered abandoned (nobody in the family is taking care of it), the town mows it at least twice a year and ANYBODY can be buried there.  I had tried for a few years to get a family cemetery association formed around the cemetery to prevent anymore non-family burials there.  I would like to be buried there, if I'm buried; I haven't decided yet.  I know Uncle Harold was interested in that.  It requires at least 6 board members.  The association is registered with the state and accepts full responsibility for the upkeep of the cemetery and has full authority over what happens in the cemetery.  There are upkeep rules from the state, so some expense.  I was never able to get the required 6 people together.  So, as it stands, the cemetery is legally abandoned and ANYBODY can be buried there.

I love the story.  It was an exciting couple of weeks around our discovery of the cemetery.

I hope to get up there sometime to clean up some stones.