Quick Genealogy Etiquette Tips

Researching family history is a people activity.  Working with people means being courteous.  So, here are a couple of tips I picked up, made up, along the way:

1.  When you send a letter of inquiry to someone, please include a self-addressed, STAMPED, envelope.  It's not entirely necessary but you might be more likely to get a response and a quicker one.

2.  Always thank people for any information, documents, photos, etc. they may send/give you, even if you haven't asked, and even if they aren't exactly what you're looking for.  It takes time, at least a little effort and attention, and even sometimes money, to do the research.  "Official" documents in my area of research are now between $10 to $25 dollars.

3.  Ask, don't demand.

4.  Share.  It's not only your family.  What you find belongs to the family as much as to you.

5.  Don't share information about living people without asking for their permission to do so.

6.  If you want something: a document, a photo from somebody that you know they have, be willing to pay something for a copy.  Why should anyone reproduce something for you at their expense.  Or, trade something for it.

Now, a big one.  What if you find out you're related to someone you know and really don't like?  Well, a fact is a fact.  Blood relative or only by marriage?  In any case, it doesn't mean anything has to change.  It doesn't mean you have to invite them for dinner.  It just means you're related.  If it's a problem for you, let it be.  Get over it.  And, expand your view and accept what's true and that what's true isn't always what you like.

Another big one.  What if you know something about a family member, maybe more than one, that could be a problem, something maybe they don't know, something sad, something salacious, something painful?  It can be difficult to keep a secret.  It can be a test of your strength, your integrity, your ethics.  Why let it out?  Why tell anyone?  Now, if it's something current and criminal -- I can't tell you what's best; maybe talk to a lawyer....  Otherwise, best to keep it to yourself; take it to your grave.

Finally, try not to be a pest about the family history.  I know I can be.  It occupies a lot of my time and I find it very interesting and enjoyable so sometimes I get frustrated that everyone doesn't feel the same but I try to accept that that's not the case for everyone.  Sometimes, though, we have to ask questions several times because memories are never perfect and, if we let a little time pass and ask a question again, we might get a little more information the next time.

That's it for now.