If you want family history information from me, you have to first give me some as a sign that you understand this rule of reciprocity. Namely, you must provide me with a sketch of your family tree as it might connect us, as the outline below indicates:
Your name
Your father's or mother's name or both
Your paternal or maternal grandparent's name or names as they relate
Your maternal or paternal great grandparent's name or names as they relate
etc. as much as you can, simply, but, certainly, if you have it, include dates and places of births, marriages, deaths that will make it possible for me to understand how we might be related.
Then, make whatever request you have and be AS SPECIFIC as possible.
I have been researching ALL my family lines for over 40 years. I have a database with over 3,500 names in it. It's work I enjoy. I am well aware that every person in my database is also related to many other people and all those people have AS MUCH RIGHT as I have to whatever information I have collected.
HOWEVER, so have I. I have as much right to whatever information you have about my relatives and ancestors as you have.
I'm more than happy to share the information and even copies of photographs and documents (that I have paid for) with others who are also related. HOWEVER, I can't tell you how many times I have supplied information to people, many not even related, and not got a single piece of information in return.
I can tell you that I'm more than tired of it. It's just rude as well as being ABSOLUTELY selfish and thoughtless.
Just to go back a bit to the above parenthesis (that I have paid for) Apparently, some people don't think about this information they think the "have a right to". It's not all just sitting out there free for the taking. I spend hours searching for information. "Official" documents, cost money. Just as an example, a birth, death or marriage document, in the state of New York, costs a suggested $22, for a simple search. You can sometimes get a "genealogy" copy for less from some municipal clerks; it varies. Yes, it's a ridiculous $ amount but it is what it is and I've already paid it so why should I GIVE you a free copy? If you request a record search at a historical society, etc., you can expect to pay more because they have less resources and the search for the document is usually more challenging. In any case, this apparent ignorance about the real costs of all this information, is, for me, now, just an excuse for absolute thoughtless selfishness. Everything costs something.
I am not the only researcher who complains of this infantile, thoughtless behavior. I belong to a number of online groups who share information online and this is a frequent complaint. I, for one, will do what I can to stop being the pushover for this kind of selfishness.
IF YOU WANT SOMETHING FROM ME - GIVE ME SOMETHING FIRST.
I'm not unreasonable. In fact, I've been more than generous with my time and resources in helping others in this area.
NO MORE
My time is valuable and so is all the work I've done to collect all this information, organize it, house it, digitize it, etc.
I will also, from now on, charge for photos and copies of documents, just for the, obviously, ignored costs of photocopying, ink, paper, postage, etc., as well as, again, my valuable time.
So, I no longer care who you are, if you want something from me, in this area, be prepared to "pay" in advance with information or like material like photos, etc.
I know some people think they "have a right". Really?! Not with me, not anymore.
I apologize for the tone of this post but I'm tired of being taken advantage of and frustrated knowing that there is information out there about ancestors that I'm missing and I keep giving information to people and getting nothing back from many.
Reciprocity can never be 100% but giving something, before asking for something, demonstrates a recognizing that what you're asking for has value and that you are willing to SHARE, which is not a one directional action.
Those reading this who are already actually sharing information, photos, etc. with me can ignore this. I do have relatives who regularly share photos, information, etc. with me and I very much appreciate that they do that. So I will now recognize a few people who have done just that, many of them have passed:
Michele Natoli
Delilah Wormuth Babcock
Cora Seeley Vandermark
Georgiana Swartwout Bodiot
Ida Mattice O'Dell
Robert W. Blackman
Ellie Bowker
Sally Beams
Judie Darbee Vinciguerra Smith
There have been many others whose names I have undoubtedly forgotten, but these few I remember having given me a great deal in time, information and photographs. And, I really, really appreciate it.
I hope there will be many future exchanges.
Good for you!
ReplyDelete