Respect

After some recent incidents, I have to write a little post about respect.

A lot of us are doing family history now.  A lot of us are posting family information online at various sites:  names, and dates and photos and documents and charts, etc.  Most of us do this without a lot of thought, without consulting with other family members.

We should stop doing this so casually.  We should think a little before doing this.

Years ago, I had a large family history site with all the above fully visible and available to anyone who passed by.  Then, someone close to one of my father's cousins contacted me and asked some questions about that part of the family and I shared information through emails.  Then, that person informed me that he had written and published something about his own family history and was working on something for his partner's family, my father's part of the family.

I had already been working well over a decade on the research, at the time, and did not intend to publish but I was irked that he thought I should supply him with family information that he might profit from.

Around the same time, I made contact with another individual, also from my father's side of the family and, almost immediately, found myself in conflict with him over the origins of the family.  I had little documentation about that and that was one of my goals in doing the research in the first place, to trace them back to their origins.  What he told me about the origins I could find no evidence of in what I had found and I told him that and asked what documentation he had found.  He was offended and the conflict began.  I'm sorry, I can't accept somebody's suppositions about family information, I need documentation.  So, we broke off communication, he was too offended.  The same happened with a 3rd cousin for the same reason, who had already published a book filled with spurious information in order to profit.

So, I took down my web site so the information was not so easily available.  I still share information, photos, etc. and I feel very strongly that I owe it to other family members to do so; it's not just my family.  But, I do it one on one, not open to the world.

More recently, data was posted online about members of a particular branch of the family by a family member who was unaware that that part of the family does not want their information online. The response I received when I so informed that individual was definitely disrespectful toward that part of the family who would take offense at their activities.  And yet, it's their prerogative that their family's information not be online and it's nobody else's business, nor is their opinion about that wish of any importance at all.  I was able, in this case, to edit the posted information, to erase all details, so family connections remain but who those family members are and their detailed information is hidden.  That's how genealogical software treats LIVING relatives in their various charts and reports.  It's about respecting privacy.

It is, I think, important to confine our posts and online disclosures to our own immediate branch of our families and not to forget that not everyone wants their family information online.

Just consider the implications of identity theft.

If you feel compelled to post related family branch's information, please ask that family first.

We are all unique individuals each with our own perceptions and ideas about what's good and what's not.  We all make mistakes.  So, it's reasonable to try to think before we act and react and to, at least, aim to be respectful of others and their wishes; those wishes being about the dissemination of information about other family members and their families.  Other wishes; that's another matter, not to be addressed here and now.